Let it Hail

It hailed for a little while here. It was kind of cool actually. Little pellets of frozen water collecting on the windowsill outside my office. And since we're on the third floor (top floor), I could also hear the rat-a-tat of water and hail on the roof. Cool stuff. There's a break in the clouds now. I can see bits of brilliant blue through the gray fluff. This weekend looks good. That's a relief. It seems everytime I've ever moved, it has rained. This weekend looks different though and that's good. I can handle partly cloudy, 60 degree weather. Yes. Yes I can.

Accountability

I didn't know what else to call this. I just go my head bit off for not notifying someone a meeting for this morning had been cancelled. I had found out 5 minutes before the beheading that the meeting was off. I'm not even in charge of setting up the meeting, getting together its agenda and making sure there's enough people to have a meeting. On the otherhand, it should be my responsibility. See.. it's a Media Management meeting. Media is my specialty. I worked with them, I wrote news, and I know what makes news. Somehow this responsibility was never given to me (managing the Media Managment meeting). It boggles me. I don't know how to go to the person who is now "in charge" of it to say that I want to take it over, that it should be my responsibility, and etc. Hm.

That's just one of many things I would like to grump about, but I'll leave the others as they are.. for now.

Moving

I'm starting to feel a little better about moving. It looks like most of the painting of essential rooms will be done. Matt took today off to be around when the National Fuel guy comes to turn on the gas, when Sears delivers our stove, and for when the Time Warner guy comes to hook up our cable. Joy and rapture. I hope he's planning on making several trips to the house that include dropping off stuff he can fit in his car so we don't have to worry about it this weekend. (we interrupt this blog to make an edit so as not to piss off Matt. I know that's self-censorship, but it has more to do with keeping the happiness in the relationship more than anything. And since I'm in love, and since Matt really doesn't need more stress piled on, and since I really don't want him to read what I had wrote earlier today it was better that I just edit stuff out. *grins* Dig?)

Great Minds?

Yesterday, Jenny and I had the same idea about what to do with this Autumn weather. It's nice to know there's someone out there who likes the same comfy things. Besides my mom that is.

Moving

I will not panic. I won't. Don't Panic. Not working.

Our house is not done. After peeling away the ancient layers of wallpaper we discovered... brown board. That didn't mean much to me.. or Matt, but apparently it's not a good thing. It means the walls upstairs (and downstairs?) were not finished off with dry wall. So now Matt's dad is going to stipple the wall. I guess it's like a concrete wall compound or something. Whatever it is, it will help our walls stay up in place. That's good. Only our bedroom is really stripped of wallpaper. That's bad. The bathroom isn't done and that includes painting and putting up the shower thingy on the stand-alone tub. That's bad. We have to move this weekend. That's bad. We have hardly anything packed due to lack of boxes. That's bad. This week is really busy work-wise. That's bad.

You get my point.

I'm trying to devise an action plan for the remaining days I will have available to me this week. We automatically lose a night of packing on Friday since we're going up to Rochester to see my parents, get a UHAUL and bring stuff back from there (Saturday morning). I'm starting to wish I could just take Monday off. Maybe I will. We'll see what the boss says when I talk to him later this week.

That's my whine and cry for the day *grins*

Incidentally, I thought yesterday was my friend Lori's birthday. Turns out it was September 8th. Don't know where my brain is! I'm still trying to figure out why I thought it was yesterday. That's going to bug me now you know.

My Work Mug

It's a rather ordinary thing. Honestly.. it is. It was given to me for Christmas (I believe) sometime in High School by my friend Anne. It's white with a black/pink/green floral pattern on it. Made in China is stamped on the bottom. Quite ordinary. I just decided to study it a little today. Maybe it's the fact that out of all the mugs I have, the one from Anne was the one I chose to bring to work. Wonder what that says about me? I have all sorts of cool mugs I could display. And an even more cool potteryware mug from Earthtones that Anne and Sean recently gave me (a housewarming mug), but a simple mug was what I brought to work. Maybe I'm being over analytical.

Autumn

Autumn came without much fanfare. Maybe it was due to the 70 degree weather we had this weekend. I was rather wrapped up in other things, like moving and work. My mind is about to implode with the thought of either. That's alright. It will all settle as it should (I hope). This just reaffirms how much I hate moving. Well, I wouldn't hate it as much if it weren't for all the painting/repairing/cleaning that still needs to be done.

Back to Autumn. The leaves are changing here. It's been a gray, rainy day today. It does feel like Fall, but tomorrow and especially Thursday will feel like it even more so (very windy weather predicted for Thursday). It's one of those times where I could forget what was going on, heat up some mulled apple cider and settle under an afghan with a good book. I read four books last week. All by Deborah Crombie. I rather liked them, but then I always have this thing for modern day British mysteries. Hm.

Kaldi's Coffeehouse

Last night Matt and I noticed that the door to Kaldi's Coffeehouse was open as we drove past on our way to the new house. Since it was Sunday, we were surprised. After doing some things around the house, we stopped on our way back to the apartment. It turns out Kaldi's wasn't really open. This group of artists/writers/musicians get together every Sunday to chat and Kaldi's just happened to be the meeting place. We were allowed to come in and get a cup of coffee (left a good tip as payment) and we sat in the window. It was vaguely uncomfortable. But I suppose that's natural since we were not part of their "clique." It made me feel sad though.

Meeting people my age here is so hard and when I do find people, it seems like I have to work double-hard to get accepted into their "group." It reminds me of high school and of college. I'm tired of that. I'm tired of making that extra-hard effort for something that shouldn't be that hard. Why is making friends such a huge thing and why is it so difficult to "get in?" No bother. At least there are a few people Matt and I can hang out with comfortably.

Religion: Part Two

I alluded to my issues with believing in a God, but I have a sneaky feeling there may be one. The only reason for this is related to some "other" life experiences I have had. I'm reluctant to speak about them since I don't want half my friends thinking I'm nuts and the other half to roll their eyes and think "here she goes again!"

I've never been a firm believer in ghosts or spirits. It was always one of those passing, oh-maybe-there-is-such-a-thing, but it was more an interest while growing up than actual belief. This was until my senior year in college. A number of things happened then and in the year following that made me sure that we are not entirely alone. And based on those experiences and other things, I cannot be absolutely certain that there isn't a God. Rather frustrating because I'd like to be a straight out and out athiest, but that agnostic in me comes skipping along and says, "Hey.. but what if.." Kinda like that guy in Lilies of the Field who's helping build a church. He's the local agnostic and when asked why he's helping he says something like "Well, I can't be sure there isn't a God so I may as well help." That's a bastardization of the actual quote, but you get my point.

It's funny to think that since I moved to Chautauqua that I have actually been exposed to a few more faith followings than before. I still haven't figured out what the Spiritualists really believe in, but I believe my boss' wife is one and apparently is highly regarded at Lily Dale. That's the World's Largest Spiritualist Center (outside England at least). Go figure that it's in Chautauqua County. Although maybe it's not so surprising when I think about it. Chautauqua and Amityville are two places that seem to have a lot going on in the other world. And I'm not being corny about that.

Religion

I'm still fighting organized religion.. for myself I mean. I occassionally let myself be drawn into those Internet quizes. The latest one tells me I'm 100% Unitarian Universalist. I tried that for a month last year. I didn't like getting up early on Sundays to go to service at 10:30am. Plus, it's such a small "faith" group and no one really was my age. I felt almost more uncomfortable there than I did when I was a Catholic (recovering now). My college years tend to amuse me when I think of them in relation to religion. For a time during my sophomore year I started reading more about Wiccan and paganism. My junior year I found To Ride a Silver Broomstick by Raven Silverhawk(?) at the college library. I think that convinced me that maybe paganism wasn't the way for me. I just have a hard time with that God(esses) thing. I did mention to Matt B. once that a certain sermon I heard was beautiful enough that if I had to choose a religion that being Lutheran might not be bad. Then.. that God thing again. I never felt like I could go back to Catholicism. I don't think there were many times in my life where I felt it was something I could believe in. Aside from retreat I had to go on my junior year in high school. I had one of those "moments" where I felt there really was a God and that people really did love me. So for a few brief days (maybe a week) I actually prayed. The next time I really prayed after that was a "drawing down the moon" experience, which is pagan by all accounts. It's something I still do at times just because I love staring up at the moon when it's full. Moments of prayer after that came mostly when attending funerals or upon hearing of a death. I guess I figure if my friends/family believe in a God then maybe it will make them feel comforted to know that someone is praying with them. Most of the time I shrug it off as dregs of my past. Or something like that.

I feel bad about "neglecting" my spirituality sometimes, but I keep forgetting that I do have a spiritual nature. I just neglect my personal side sometimes. Work will do that. I escaped into a mystery novel tonight. I needed that so! I wish I had time to enjoy the weather lately. It's been too gorgeous for words and I've been too busy to really savour it. Ah well.

To Remember...

I decided to take a part of today, the National Day of Prayer and Remembrance, to start writing about this week's tragedy. I couldn't earlier and put the news box up to accomodate for that fact. So much has happened.

Everyone says you will remember exactly where you were when you first heard the news. I'm going to start with the first moment I heard that the Murrah Building had been bombed in Oklahoma in 1995. I was in London, England with the Rochester Philharmonic Youth Orchestra. As I descended the hotel staircase into the lobby, my chaperone held up a newspaper that had a picture of the devastated building on the front. On the plane ride back (which was delayed 3 hours due to police taking a possible suspect into custody) we watched the horror on the television screen. It's funny how that compares with six years later.

On Tuesday morning, I was waiting for the elevator to take me down to the print shop. I heard two security guards talking about how they couldn't find anything on the radio. I thought to myself, "What.. don't like the music on the stations around here anymore?" After visiting the print shop, I made my way back to the elevator. Ellen from Information Services came around the corner and said, "Did you know that two planes have hit the World Trade Centers?" And that was that. I tried to check the Internet, but wasn't getting far. We turned on the radio and tried to figure out what was happening. That's when I started checking the message boards. It was a mixture of hate/revenge and shock. It was the Yahoo! message boards that told me the Pentagon had been hit and that another plane was still unaccounted for.

Soon someone was able to get the television in my boss' office hooked up. We were glued to it for the rest of the day minus some decisions on security and some quick press releases. Controlled chaos on our end. There were some tense moments when Matt and I thought that Melissa's sister may have been on one of the planes that crashed into the Towers. Radio reports were telling of a Jamestown-area native who was a flight attendant and had been on one of those planes. Matt called Melissa, but it was ok.. Claire was with her. Unfortunately, the reports were true.. a Celoron-native had died. My Aunt Carol called somewhere in there and we made plans to get together for dinner since she was in town and didn't want to be alone. The day was so surreal.

The following days have felt ackward. My boss cancelled all political activity for the week. I would think I should be working on some event or press release and remember that it was cancelled or post-poned until next week. It's strange being on this side. Watching Mark make decisions about events and what level of security to have around our buildings. I have watched hours of tv. One of my proudest moments came when I read on-line that Steven (guy I grew up with that's like a little brother to me) had re-mixed "Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton to include soundbites from the day's news. I listened to it yesterday and got a little weepy.

Today I wear red, white and blue (although it's slightly subtle). I even attended a memorial service at the church next to the County Office Building. It's amazing how those hymns come back even though you haven't sung them in years (referring to St. Francis the Assisi song). I still wouldn't say I'm religious. It's just doing something with other people that makes me feel better. That's the strange part. I haven't felt really emotional. I guess it's the shock of it all or maybe the detachment of being a journalist at heart. I sometimes feel like I'm wading through thick molasses and at other times trying to figure out why people are having trouble operating. Yes, this is a huge tragedy, but moping around and crying won't help the situation. I know this is where some psychiatrist comes in and tells me that the grieving process is different for everyone. I just want to fix the situation, take out the appropriate terrorists without causing World War III, clean up the rubble in NYC, respectfully return the remains of victims to their families, and set about re-building the Pentagon and some version of a World Trade Center.. appropriate memorials in place. Just to have it all over with. To be back to some version of normalcy.

This numbness. I want to write something, but I really don't know what I will write. I had lots of thoughts yesterday. It was so hard to watch the footage yet I couldn't draw myself away. In a funny twist, I realized how thankful I am not to be a news reporter right now. I couldn't deal with covering this. The detachment.

I'll post more later possibly. It's just too much to think about right now. And there is a lot of local things (on my end) to talk about. I hope you're all well and safe... if you're not, may safety find you or at least ultimate comfort.

Twin Weblogger

Apparently, this is my weblogger twin. After him it's this guy, and rounding out the top three is *cheers* Meg. I have to go read the other two before I decide how I feel about being twins ;-) with them. Oh yeah, go here to find out who is your weblogger twin.

Monday

Another week. There's a lot of meetings this week. There's a lot of meetings next week. I'm just not going to think about this fact for the moment. Instead, I'll think about sleeping in tomorrow morning because of the evening meeting I have tonight. And then I'll think about sleeping in Wednesday morning because of the summit I have to go to tomorrow night.. and then.. Well, you get the picture. I live to sleep in. And that's especially since I can't leave early. *heh*

Quiet Sunday

It's 9:18am and I'm awake. It's amazing what working during the day, getting older, and changing sleeping patterns do to you. A mere 5 months ago, 9:18am would have seemed like the earliest time of day. And the thought of getting up at 7am would be terrifying. Now I can barely stay awake past 11pm and getting up at 8:30am is not too horrible (that's on the weekends mind you). *grins*

Electioneering

Matt and I went door-to-door with my boss yesterday. It was hot, sunny and muggy. I actually got sunburned on my face and probably a little sun on my arms. I think that's funny only because we're into September now. As if the temperature is not allowed to exceed 75 degrees once you pass the first of the month. Me and my funny weather rules!

The campaigning experience wasn't bad. I got to see some streets in Jamestown I had never been down before. We really only ran into 2 people that were not enthused to see us on their doorstep and only one of them was rude. I don't know when or if we'll be doing door-to-door again, but I can assure you that "lit" AKA literature drops are somewhere in the future.

My Job

After sleeping off some dehydration and grouchiness, we went to Applebee's last night for grub. While we were there we saw a police care with lights flashing go by, followed by a fire rescue car, then an ambulance, and then a firetruck. I was just itching to get up and follow them. I joked to Matt that I could go grab a tape recorder from the radio station (WJTN) and do some quick free-lancing pro bono. We talked about that a little. It's other people's misery that made reporting fun. I know that sounds awful. But until you experience the adrenaline of being on site of a fire or accident or any other type of thing, it's hard to explain. Not that I want anyone to be hurt, not that I enjoy the thought that someone may be homeless after a fire or that a business may have to shut down, but there's just the energy of everyone running around.. trying to fix the situation. It's exciting. Probably one of my best experiences at WJTN was covering the Jamestown Powder Coating Company fire. That was a disaster. Four people had to be rescued, the owner of the company had to be arrested for crossing the fire line to save his computers, and this fire would not quit. I was lucky enough to interview the fire chief before he went up in the Sherrif's helicoptor to assess the situation. This coup led to me being interviewed by Buffalo TV stations about what the Chief said.. and then being shown on the 6 o'clock news (while I was doing my own 6 o'clock news on the radio) across Western New York. That blew my mind. It also reaffirmed that I did love my job... at least for a few more months. I wouldn't say I'm a glory-seeker or spot-light seeker. It just felt good.. like I was being recognized for the job I did even though it was just giving some details about a fire. At that time I wasn't getting much positive reinforcement or feedback at the station. The previous month had been hell with only Terry and I working (since Matt had left to work for the Mayor and our "news director" took off back to Buffalo) and then I got bitched out by our "news consultant" (the former news director) for essentially acting stressed out. Just remembering that makes me glad not to be working there anymore. It's amazing how the people you work with can make you happy you don't work in a field that you love.

May I say again how Mark is a great boss? I can't complain. This is a great job!

Cartoons

I'm so glad I can get my daily fix of "For Better or For Worse" and "Brenda Starr" and "Luann." I remember being in college and trying to find comics on the web, but no one was really set up to do that yet. You still had to go buy the paper (not that I have anything against that since I want the artists of the strips to earn a good wage). But it's just so cool to be caught up again on all the strips I've been reading since 3rd grade (and some are more recent like "Luann" and "Zits."). You gotta love the kid in me.

Snoogins

Matt and I just got back a little while ago from seeing Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back in Warren, PA. It boggles my mind that we can got to Warren (much smaller than Jamestown) to see a new movie, but can't see it in any theatre here in Chautauqua County!! Well.. we could have gone to the new Drive-In, but it wasn't open tonight. But this is all besides the point.

This movie kicked ass! Now I know there's gotta be someone that reads this that now has a lower opinion of me, but that person probably hasn't watched all of Kevin Smith's movies. I have. In fact, I was lucky enough while I was dorming it at Buffalo State to see Clerks, Mallrats, and Chasing Amy on repeat for a week on the college movie channel. What heaven. I don't know if I should cringe when I think of how much I related to Alyssa in Chasing Amy after I saw that movie. At the same time, there was some momentous stuff that went on right after I saw that movie, but I won't say much else in order to protect the innocent (well.. not-so-innocent after that movie!!). But anyway, Matt and I got a kick out of the fact that Jay and Silent Bob.. basically is half-based on one of the comic books about them (go to a comic book store if you don't believe me), but also really based on the preceding four movies by Kevin Smith, but also in a weird roundabout way based on American pop culture which is based on.. ok, you get the point. Maybe we're getting too intellectual about it, but it certainly was a nice break from all the political stuff going on in the real world.

I'm a Sim

I created a Sim version of myself last night. Matt had bought the game and somehow got me to create a character (and house). Well, just like me.. my sim character will sit and read forever. Matt said he never saw a sim character sit that long before! I seem to have trouble keeping up my comfort and energy levels, but that's ok. I also think it's funny that the one person in the neighborhood I've met and become friends with is Matt's version of himself (as a sim). Funny, eh? Kind of what happened when I moved to Jamestown. Matt was my first friend (unless you count my wacky next-door neighbor Jen who I avoided sometimes just because she was too happy for words!)

First Day of School

All the kiddies are back in school. I would cheer about that if it weren't for the fact that my mom is a teacher. She's going into this school year rather apprehensively. I think this will be the last school year she teaches full-time. It will be subbing from here on out (no lesson plans or annoying parents!!). It's the parents who are doing her in. I vow never to be like any of the meddling, annoying, mentally-unstable, half-witted, downright nasty parents she has to deal with if I ever have kids. It's like all the people that hated school growing up now have kids and while they want their kids to get a good education, they don't think they should have to work for it. Blows my mind. And people wonder why I switched from being a music education major to broadcasting.

'K. That's enough bitching from me for a year. I really need to be more positive. I find that it makes the people around me like me more *grins* So happy daisy day to y'all!

*waves*

Warmth of Autumn

We're heading into my favourite time of the year: Autumn. I even went by Autumn for awhile on Kodak.com's photochats way back in 1998. I probably can still log in as such if I tried *grins*

There are several days that stick in my head that distinctly remind me of autumn. Some of them were at the end of August/beginning of September and another was in November. The November memory is an unusual one. I was a Junior in High School at the time. My friends (Karen, Kelley, Sarah and someone else.. I can't remember at the moment) and I were playing "contact tennis" during gym class. It was quite warm out for an autumn day (I think it got into the 70s) and the sun made the changing leaves glow. The orange, reds and yellows were absolutely stunning. I remember thinking at the time that this was pure heaven and how I wished we could have stayed out there all day... savoring every bit. I knew it couldn't last and I have to quote something from 9th grade English: "Nothing Gold can Stay." *cringes* Yeah... I had to.

Contact Tennis

This sport still remains one of my all-time favourite ways to blow off gym class, but not really. See.. you had to go to gym class in order to play since the gym teachers had the equipment. Here's how the game went: You have 5 players, 8 tennis balls and a tennis court. Put 2 people on one side of the net and 3 on the other (placing the third close to the net). The object (if you want to call it that) is to hit as many tennis balls over the net.. at the same time making sure you keep as many tennis balls in your possession. The other thing is to try to hit the third person close to the net (or either of the 2 people on either side) with the tennis balls. Now, one of the ways to keep as many tennis balls as you can is to "charge the net" whenever you or your opponents fail to hit the ball over the net. This involves a mad scramble and clashing of tennis rackets. The other thing to do is to hit the ball so hard that it goes over the fence and your opponent has to go chasing after it (this happened quite a bit on my side). Another part of the game which really had nothing to do with anything else was to run around the net repeatedly chanting things like "It's my birthday/It's fill-in-the-blank's birthday" or other nonsense stuff. That basically is "contact tennis." We had a damn fine time playing it too. I think our gym teachers yelled a couple times about having too many people on the court or too many tennis balls, but we usually ignored them. I think that's when we found two tennis courts side-by-side and played our game over two courts. I think that only happened once or twice though. Ah.. the fun of being 16/17 years old.

The Shoes

I got to go on my shoe shopping bonanza Friday afternoon. I only bought 3 pairs and they will replace the beat-up versions I had before. It's amazing how you can wear out a pair of black heels in just 4 months. Even my mom concurred that it was time for a new pair. So here's what I got: plain black heel by Naturalizer, a dressier black loafer by Naturalizer, and brown loafers by Tommy Hilfiger. Mind you, I go for look, size and price.. never brand. All 3 cost me $40 each. That's quite a hefty final price tag, but I have such difficulty finding shoes to fit that it's worth it. Oh yeah.. we got all of this at the DSW shoe warehouse. *sighs* LOVE that place.

One More Time!

I thought I had forgotten how to dance. Then I saw the Victoria's Secret commerical for Body by Victoria while I was at home. With "One More Time" by Daft Punk bouncing in the background, this model swung her hair around and got her groove on while sitting on a chair in some lingerie. Go figure. It inspired me to re-discover my inner dancer. The next hour or so after that (since my parents were at a wedding) I danced my way around the living room, through the kitchen and into the family room. There's something magical about tossing my hair around and my hips keeping time with whatever was on WBER. I actually feel my age of 24 and not the middle-age grump that I sometimes become as a result of work).

I think I must create a dance mix and keep this vibrant feeling of life burning within me. I've just been too serious lately.

Memory Sponge

I decided I'm the memory keeper within my group of friends. Not to say that they all don't remember stuff, but it seems like my memory triggers are more touchy, so I can remember stuff more easily. *shrugs* It's cool, but sometimes not. For instance: I was really bummed out about coming back to Jamestown. I had seen several friends these past few days and wasn't willing just yet to totally let go of being in Rochester for the 3 days I spent there. Part of that wasn't helped by the fact that I saw my friend Brian for the first time since high school graduation. I'm not kidding you. He was right before me in the alphabet, so after that ceremony.. that was it for six years. SIX YEARS! Can you fucking believe that? Hm. So I'm experiencing a whole whirlwind of emotions at the moment. One of the really cool "alone" moments I had while home was going to the Genesee River Fishing Access at the end of St. Paul Blvd. Friday night. The moon was hidden behind these autumn clouds, but was so bright that the clouds were glowing. The energy of the moment was incredible. It was one of those moments that you feel like you are soaking in this natural energy and power. At the same time, I knew I had to leave the spot to go home and get sleep, so I was also feeling a tad melancholy. Change of seasons I guess.

Trip/House

The rest of my trip was cool. My mom found all sorts of sheers for our windows in the house. I'm not sure how many of them we'll use, but it's a start. I also lugged back the dehumidifier so we can work on drying up the basement after the idiot who lived there before flooded it by leaving on the faucet. *rolls eyes* On a good note, the living room and dining room are about all primed. Matt's dad has been working pretty steadily at it for the past few days. Matt's been helping too by tearing down the multiple layers of wallpaper in the various rooms. I just go and buy stuff. *nods* I can handle that!

My mom and I went to the Art Gallery to see a pottery exhibit. It was alright. My favourite part of it was the different tea cups and tea pots that were on display. Most of them were not functional, or not "practical" enough to be functional. In my opinion at least. The other cool sculpture/pottery thing was of a man's head. The expression on the face was of deep thought. He looked like he was about to say, "Wait.. I've almost go it.. I'm thinking!!" Or maybe it was a look of constipation. Who knows. I wonder what Freud would have to say about that! (don't answer)

Labor Day

Half the county (it seemed) turned out for Jamestown's Labor Festival. I was really amazed by this. It was cool to see Bergman Park so filled with people. The Porcelain Bus Drivers played right until the fireworks began.. ending with "Come On Eileen" and a rusty brass version of "America the Beautiful." Unfortunately I was still depressed and moody about being back in Jamestown, so I really didn't perk up until right before the fireworks. I mean, we're talking serious moodiness. *grumbles* But Matt and I talked about the weekend and whatnot afterwards at Denny's (over coffee and an English muffin) and I'm feeling better. Although I'm dying to talk to some friends, especially one who may have had a date today *grins* We'll see. I think it's a bit late now for anyone else to log on. I think I'm going to go crash too.

*waves*