Thursday, June 19, 2008

My Biological Alarm Clock Needs a Better Snooze Button

For these past couple months, there have been these subtle nudges by my hormones that have threatened to totally upend my sense of balance and happiness with life.

I thought that my mere will and desire to remain child-free could outwit biology. Unfortunately, my body has other ideas and has begun a kind of mental and physical warfare to try to break me down and succumb to evolution.

It started innocently enough when pictures of babies started to make me smile. Then, I began to get a strong urge to pick up my friend's babies and hold them for a little bit. I thought, "No big deal. Babies are cute. Even cuter when you can hand them back to their mom and dad."

I did my own version of a support group by reading child-free blogs and related stories. I'd toast myself for being able to spontaneously meet up for a drink and intelligent conversation at my favorite bar for a drink with friends, something I know would be almost impossible with a child.

Still, I found the topic creeping into conversations. I questioned Matt worriedly over dinner while out for "date night" about how he really felt about us not having kids. I started worrying that maybe I was being defective in not wanting to have kids.

Then the dreams started. I went from daytime worrying to the line of questioning continuing well into my dreams about whether I still thought not having a kid was a good idea. Half the dreams left me with a defeatist attitude of, "Well, maybe I should just give in and do it."

Then this week, I held our friend's 3-month old son. Suddenly, I didn't care that he looked like he wanted to spit up all over me. I walked around, lightly swaying him in my arms, as he looked around interestedly. Unlike other times I've been near babies, he didn't cry or give me dirty looks. For a moment, I thought, "Wow. This is kind of cool."

Then his 1 and a half year old brother let loose an ear piercing shriek that sent all my maternal urges into hiding for at least a few weeks.

I suspect this relief is temporary and am trying to steel myself against the future onslaught of urges to reproduce. Wish me well.

24 comments:

battlemaiden said...

I totally feel your pain. No babies! No! Don't do it!

Makkaio said...

Like I told Muze...the more they protest, the harder they fall. For someone who doesn't want a baby, she sure talks about it a lot.

Julia said...

Yeah, yeah. See if you ever get sex from me again. Just sayin'.

battlemaiden said...

I take a pill for this very issue. Seems to be working juuuuust fine. No babies now, no babies ever. Really. I mean it.

Julia said...

I'm about ready to go back on it for reasons other than pregnancy prevention. I really hate the idea of more hormones in my body. That was a blog post from April I think.

Emma said...

My biological clock's alarm rang once. I picked it up and threw it against the wall. With great force. Problem solved. I haven't heard a peep from it since. ;)

geelpete said...

Nooooooooooooooo!

Mr. Nighttime said...

Well here is a story that might keep you on the straight and narrow of childlessness...

I worked retail for a time, also known as Dante's Lesser Known Tenth Circle Of Hell, but one fine day I am working in Electronics, which is all the way in one corner of the store. On the other side of the store, about a football field's length away, a 4 year-old was having a meltdown that made Chernobyl look like a slightly overheated tanning bed.

Biting, screaming, kicking and punching at his mom, she finally had to give up and drag him bodily out of the store.

As she was doing this, I leaned over to my co-worker, and told him, "This is why animals eat their young."

Do you need any more convincing?

I thought not.... ;-)

Galoot said...

I'm not particularly religious and I'd never pressure someone into having children against their will. But I've gotta think that someone gave birth to you. I'd imagine that some of your parents put up with "meltdowns" from time to time. I'm just sayin'...

The Galoot

P.S. Don't forget my kids in ten years when they're bagging groceries for you and again in twenty years when they're doing your taxes, fixing your cars, etc. The world goes 'round.

Galoot said...

P.S.S. Read my last post if you need more reason to not become a breeder.

http://occasionaltruth.blogspot.com/2008/06/cut-your-hair.html

Galoot said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Julia said...

Galoot - I read that post and laughed because I remember cutting my hair at that age too. It's a natural part of growth, I suppose.

I have no problem with other people having kids. Some of my friends have pretty cool offspring. I'm happy to let them be the child bearers of our generation. I'm also happy to be child-free and to keep buying TMBG's latest kids albums for all my friend's kids so they can continue to be pretty cool offspring. Heh.

And yes, I know Matt and I would make great parents etc. etc. etc. Don't think I haven't heard it all (winks)

Did I get my Bingo Emma?

Galoot said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Galoot said...

I've never said to anyone you'd make a great parent;)

And Makkaio? I'd hate to be an infant in your house when he decides to lose some more weight. I can hear him now, "It's 9pm. Must eat a low carb snack to curb hunger. Damn, the fridge is empty. What is that mewling sound coming from? Oh, the baby. mmmmm, baby Ruth, baby back ribs, mmmm."

Emma said...

Holy crap...you almost got a full card just with that one comment alone. ;) All you need is a "who will take care of you when you're old and feeble?" Or maybe a "your kid could be the one to cure cancer" and you;ll be the next Bingo Grand Prize Winner.

Sigh.

PreppyGirl said...

I'm with Galoot on this one. Plus, kids are the perfect excuse to relive your childhood. :)

Mimi said...

Keep those legs crossed sister-woman. My tubes were tied while the sweat was still drying after number two! Pun intended because the younger one is a little shit!

Galoot said...

Trust your gut. That doesn't mean that your recent feelings after your experience with the baby means you should have a kid. Maybe it just means you're more open to the notion than you'd thought. Maybe it was just the hormones. Who knows? Julia, the bottom line is to do what you want to do. I've got your back no matter what. And next time I'm at the grocery store, I'll try to muzzle my kids so as not to ruin the experience for everyone else. Just kidding...

Kevin_H said...

You've never struck me as the maternal type. Besides, if you did pop one out it'd be like a sequel to Napolean Dynamite...

AnneDroid said...

Interesting stuff. I'm someone who was broody all her life and had four of the ankle-biting rug-rats all by c-section, which is good, because then I didn't have to take the decision to stop (!), as it was made for me. I love to hear the other perspective. I have good friends who've chosen not to have kids and I do respect it as a decision. I guess it depends how you're wired. I love my life and think the joy outweighs the stress (and parenting is ENDLESSLY interesting - to the parents) but I can see that for others that would not be the case at all.

skb said...

Ya know...people may say "who will take care of you when you're old and feeble?" or "your kid could be the one to cure cancer"

But, they never say "Your kid could be the next Ted Kaczynski" or "Who will be the next president to lead us into a war based on lies and fearful propaganda?"

Why is that??

Galoot said...

Wow. And I thought I was sensitive. My comments have been compared to those on a child-free bingo card. I suppose that's an easy way out of the conversation. Sigh. I mean, yawn.

Julia said...

Wow... I think this post has gotten the most comments out of everything I've written on here. Thanks for the giggles and winks. I love you all, despite some of your prodding, and am taking it with a grin on my face.

I get the last laugh.

See my latest post.

Emma said...

Julia: With regard to this topic, you might be interested in a comment "Snerdie" left on my blog yesterday. http://blogs.brocknet.net/eriepressible/?p=1688#comment-19430

Post a Comment

Away, Away

We're on a mini-vaca in an area where they're experiencing forest fires (thanks asshole arsonist). It's an area that makes Clift...