Monday, September 17, 2001


I'm still fighting organized religion.. for myself I mean. I occassionally let myself be drawn into those Internet quizes. The latest one tells me I'm 100% Unitarian Universalist. I tried that for a month last year. I didn't like getting up early on Sundays to go to service at 10:30am. Plus, it's such a small "faith" group and no one really was my age. I felt almost more uncomfortable there than I did when I was a Catholic (recovering now). My college years tend to amuse me when I think of them in relation to religion. For a time during my sophomore year I started reading more about Wiccan and paganism. My junior year I found To Ride a Silver Broomstick by Raven Silverhawk(?) at the college library. I think that convinced me that maybe paganism wasn't the way for me. I just have a hard time with that God(esses) thing. I did mention to Matt B. once that a certain sermon I heard was beautiful enough that if I had to choose a religion that being Lutheran might not be bad. Then.. that God thing again. I never felt like I could go back to Catholicism. I don't think there were many times in my life where I felt it was something I could believe in. Aside from retreat I had to go on my junior year in high school. I had one of those "moments" where I felt there really was a God and that people really did love me. So for a few brief days (maybe a week) I actually prayed. The next time I really prayed after that was a "drawing down the moon" experience, which is pagan by all accounts. It's something I still do at times just because I love staring up at the moon when it's full. Moments of prayer after that came mostly when attending funerals or upon hearing of a death. I guess I figure if my friends/family believe in a God then maybe it will make them feel comforted to know that someone is praying with them. Most of the time I shrug it off as dregs of my past. Or something like that.

I feel bad about "neglecting" my spirituality sometimes, but I keep forgetting that I do have a spiritual nature. I just neglect my personal side sometimes. Work will do that. I escaped into a mystery novel tonight. I needed that so! I wish I had time to enjoy the weather lately. It's been too gorgeous for words and I've been too busy to really savour it. Ah well.

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