On the last day of 2020, before the few people planning to be at work arrived on our floor, I put "Tik Tok" by Kesha on my iPod and then danced through every open office, hallway, breakroom, and conference room. Most of those rooms were vacant of even desks or other office detritus as the department that had occupied the space moved two months ago.
It was a moment that felt slightly subversive and freeing.
I did it to celebrate and to also try to forget that it was my last day of employment for awhile.
After being just shy of 12 years in my job, I was leaving with my return being left in the hands of a City Council that eliminated my position under the pretense that it was "temporary."
I texted a friend this morning whose 2020 could be best described as soul-trying,
"Here's to a new year that hopefully is better balanced, or even tipped toward more happier moments if we can have wishes and dreams of that."
Life is a balance. It doesn't always work out the way we had planned because we simply cannot control everything. The best we can do is to live, love, and laugh. I'm absolutely kidding. Somewhat. Whoever thought to market that aspiration deserves their millions.
A year ago I said to my husband that all we had was our integrity and we should live and work as such. It wasn't an attempt at a new year's resolution, but I feel we've achieved that.
Toward the end of this year, the premise of dignity and being able to hold my head up high despite adversity is something that mattered. It's something I can do because of respecting how integrity matters.
I'm far from perfect and hope to never be because that sounds painfully boring. Here's hoping that while I can't control everything that I at least can continue to act in ways that help tip the balance toward the positive.
Some years ago, my friend Jane created a group on Facebook called "Everything Pumpkin Flavored" in honor of all those wonderful pumpkin spiced items that come out in the Fall. The group has garnered several hundred members over the years, posting recipes, beers, food, and weird things like pumpkin-spice dog treats.
As one of the admins of the group, I had the horrifying realization that I deactivated my Facebook account at the HEIGHT of everything-pumpkin-flavored season. MY GOD! Thankfully, I can still blog so I will share with you two links that I also sent to my friend/EPV admin, Ali, for her to post in my absence:
On Tuesday, I'll be baking my pumpkin pies for Thanksgiving. I'm going to try baking both pies at once per instructions given to me by my co-worker, Leigh Anne. This will be life-changing if it works out as it usually takes me all day to bake the 4-5 pies that I bring for Thanksgiving dinner.
Yesterday I shared the History of Men Moving On. Today is for the ladies. The ones who have been wronged. The ones who will get back up again and sing their heart out in the shower or in the car when any one of these gems comes on their radio/iPod/satellite radio/Pandora/Spotify/etc. etc. etc.
I got together with some friends last night for some girl time, wine time, and making bacon roses for Valentine's Day time. My friend, Allison, got the idea off Pinterest. As far as Pinterest projects go, this one wasn't too difficult other than waiting for all the bacon to bake. We call this success! Plus, who wouldn't, other than vegetarians, love bacon for Valentine's Day?
I'm drinking the smallest glass of cream sherry ever right now because I wanted a little something before bed, but I didn't want to be up until 11am drinking a more regular sized glass of sherry. My drinking habits tend to run in the "nursing" department, but that's not bad when it comes to figuring out who can drive home at the end of the night.
I went to the first rehearsal for the Living Christmas Tree tonight. There is a kind of sacrilegious feeling to playing Christmas-like music before Halloween has even happened. This is on top of all the Christmas creep I've been trying to ignore in stores. Really retail people? You really think that by saying some people want to get their shopping done early means it's okay to make the rest of us suffer? Really?
That said, I'm looking forward to the early winter/holiday season. I love Thanksgiving and I love those early days of cold weather where you can make the house feel cozy by baking, wearing lots of wool and fleece; and eventually listening to more holiday-themed music. I swear I haven't had a lobotomy.
My main goal right now is making sure I'm caught up at work and getting as much violin practicing in as I can stand before my well-earned, much-needed vacation. I'm playing in a wedding on Veteran's Day which involves a lot of unfamiliar country and religious-pop music. I probably didn't charge the bride enough for my services, seeing as how I had to write out the violin part for one of the songs, but I don't mind in some crazy way. I think all artists and musicians undersell themselves at times just because they enjoy the challenge, or are having enough fun doing it to think about asking for more cash.
Speaking of violin, I have a new student as of Wednesday. She's a 7 year old who has never played violin. I heard through the grapevine that her mom really doesn't want her to go the Suzuki route, which is fine with me.
On the exercise front, I've been asked if I want to be a sub for Zumba classes at the YMCA. I don't have a routine together, so I had to decline. Part of me keeps thinking I should work on creating a routine just because it would be fun to actually use the training I received before my licensee authorization runs outs. I can't justify signing up for the Zumba Instructor Network, which has a monthly fee, in order to maintain my licensee authorization if I don't even have a routine!
Lastly, my body can tell it's time for winter because it wants me to fill up on carbs and sugar as the amount of daylight diminishes. I'm trying to resist the best I can, or at least counter some of my weak moments with appropriate time in the gym, but I can almost feel the other kind of Christmas creep threatening in the form of weight gain. Here's to at least holding steady over the holidays!
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Not much of a resolution making sort of person, but I did pinky swear with a few friends that 2011 will be the year we're more positive.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My cousin, Rachel, had a baby girl in May.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My Grandfather died October 5th. He had been sick since this summer, but took quite a turn that first weekend of the month. Just by chance I was able to be there in the room with my family when he died. In an odd way, being there helped bring a lot more closure than I've had when other family members have died.
5. What countries did you visit?
Matt and I went to Hamilton, Ontario to see Star Wars In Concert on our 6th wedding anniversary.
6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
The feeling like I can move forward with things I want to do.
7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Losing some fear to do the things I want to do.
8. What was your biggest failure?
Still not saying no enough.
9. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I'm still a pretty healthy gal.
10. What was the best thing you bought?
PlayStation 3, which enabled us to "cut the cord" on the upper tiers of cable.
11. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Matt still gets high marks.
12. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
It would not be polite to name names.
13. Where did most of your money go?
Mortgage and house related stuff such as replacing the foundation on the backside of our house, fixing the furnace, and having to get our sewer line roto-rootered twice.
14. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Signing up for a Zumba certification class that will take place in February 2011.
15. What song will always remind you of 2010?
The Temper Trap - Sweet Disposition
16. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? I am happier. I feel more even going into the New Year than last year.
b) thinner or fatter? I think I gained a couple pounds from where I was last year. Hard to say since I KNOW I gained some "holiday weight" over the holidays last year.
c) richer or poorer? Edging toward a little poorer after some hard home maintenance costs over the last year. We're still on course though to try to purchase a car to replace my beloved Toyota Tercel.
17. What do you wish you’d done more of?
I think I should have written more. I had a nice streak going at the beginning of the year, but lost focus. I always wish I had taken more time to read, and that continues. You know it's bad when you have a monthly magazine that you still haven't read and the next issue is probably in the mail today.
18. What do you wish you’d done less of?
I wish I had stressed less.
19. How did you spend Christmas?
We went to Cheektowaga for Christmas Eve dinner with my family. Much to my joyous excitement, Matt gave me my big Christmas gift of tickets to see New Kids On The Block/Backstreet Boys with Ali in Pittsburgh this June. After opening presents, we headed off to Midnight Mass at Queen of Martyrs where the service actually began at 10pm and only lasted 42 minutes. We left Christmas morning after eggs, toast, and copious amounts of coffee to come back to Jamestown for Christmas day with Matt's parents.
20. Did you fall in love in 2010?
I stayed in love.
21. What was your favorite TV program?
Paranormal State, Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations, Psychic Kids, and the news.
22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No. I'm not big on hate because it wastes so much energy. There are people who disappoint me, but I don't hate them.
23. What did you want and get?
Some pure joy.
24. What did you want and not get?
That sense that I can change some things in order to be more happy
25. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I worked and later went to the Brick Room for dinner with Matt, TJ Maxx, and then ice cream at The Big Dipper. I turned 34.
26. Who did you miss?
I was sorting Christmas decorations when I came across a box from my grandmother's house that hadn't been opened since she died 5 years ago. When I opened it, all the linens smelled like her house and reminded me of how much I still miss her.
I've already put together this holiday season's music mix which is kind of odd and possibly frightening if you know my past aversions to doing anything holiday-ish before Thanksgiving. I chalk it up to sorting through all our Christmas tree ornaments and decorations recently to why this mix came to be.
1. Weezer - We Wish You A Merry Christmas
2. The Three Wise Men (XTC) - Thanks For Christmas
3. Mariah Carey - All I Want For Christmas Is You
4. Snow Patrol - When I Get Home For Christmas
5. The Autumns - She Whispers The Winter Snow
6. Stars - Winter Bones
7. Elk City - Deer Crossing
8. Glasvegas - A Snowflake Fell (And It Felt Like a Kiss)
9. Regina Spektor - 20 Years of Snow
10. Big Bad Voodoo Daddy - Mr. Heatmiser
11. The Format - Holly Jolly Christmas
12. Great Big Sea - Seven Joys Of Mary
13. Pink Martini - A Snow Globe Christmas
Theme this year is Christmas-themed music with some songs that merely mention snow/winter thrown in to round it out. I will mention that this is the first time that beloved/detested Mariah Carey song has found its way onto any holiday mix by me. Have you seen Love Actually? Like love, Christmas IS all around us, or at least that's what all the retail establishments are hoping you believe.
We did the Easter thing with my family yesterday and on the way up to Buffalo, I mused over why I never quite got why this was such a major holiday. It comes down to a lot of things for me.
First off, when you're raised Catholic, you have four weeks where you're deprived of eating meat on Fridays. I didn't care for fish as a kid, so I ended up eating a lot of macaroni and cheese on Fridays or deep fried shrimp. Fortunately, the mac'n cheese was homemade by the Parkside Diner, so I never got tired of that meal. Then after, all the fasting we finally got to eat meat on Easter Day. Hooray! Except in my family, that means fresh kielbasa and borscht. I've never really enjoyed fresh kielbasa and there was one Easter where I figured if I ate it really fast, I wouldn't be able to taste it. That didn't work out so well and the floor didn't appreciate it either when I upheaved it later. I don't think I have to explain the horror that is borscht. Fortunately, my family has added smoked kielbasa to the Easter offerings as well as ham, so dinner is not dreaded so much.
Going back to religion, I was pretty straight-forward thinking on some issues as a kid. I didn't understand what the big celebration was over the death and rising of Christ. My 9-year old train of thought went sort of like this:
"So, Jesus was a good guy and he got killed for it? And you're telling me he raised from the dead? Okay, I get there being ghosts and angels and stuff but, dude, he's STILL DEAD. Like, it's not like Jesus can hang out and ride bikes with us or climb trees. And we're supposed to super happy about this??? There's still lots of bad people out there, so I dunno if it was worth it."
I know. It's hard to reason with 9-year olds. Plus, I always thought it a bit macabre that not only were we celebrating some revered guy's death, but some of our main icons were of the guy nailed to a couple pieces of wood. Um. Hello? I don't want bloodied, beat-up guy all in my face. Thanks Mr. Jesus for the nightmares as a kid. Add to that the extended church service just because it was a major holy day and my love for Easter was very small.
Getting away from the controversial stuff, Easter falls during a time of year in Western New York that can be either wonderful or snowing. Inevitably, my mom would have picked out a cute, frilly dress for me to wear for Easter. As a kid, I would wear it and shiver because a warm sweater and slacks would have been a better match for the weather. Just try keeping your toes warm in white patent leather shoes when the temperature is 40 degrees!
It wouldn't be fair to not mention to the positive things about Easter. Of course, the candy was always a thrill as a kid. Ham for dinner also was a huge plus once I discovered the delights of Miller's Horseradish spread on each slice. Naturally, time with my family in Buffalo was and still is the biggest plus to the Easter Holiday. So Happy Dyngus Day to everyone!
Caramel brulee latte at FourBucks with Matt before we settle in at home to bring in the New Year. This year we are spending the night in a decidedly more quiet fashion than recent years. Best wishes for the New Year to everyone!
As I say almost every year, why put up and decorate a tree when we can just come and appreciate my parent's gloriously decorated tree? It continues to be magnificent another year.
Incidentally, when I lived at home, decorating the tree was a big part of my holiday responsibilities and we had just as many ornaments back then.
I'm feeling the urge to embellish, but I'll try to stay true to history as I share one of the Christmas traditions my family has endured for years.
Christmas cookie decorating has held a hallowed spot in the days of pre-Christmas preparation for my family. Always a raucous affair, when I was a child there were bowls and bowls of frosting scattered around the dining room table between heaping trays of anise-flavored cut-out cookies. My eyes would grow large as I peered over the tower of sweetness at my dad and the daunting task of sprinkling colored sugars over the confectionery delights. He'd grimly assess the job and mutter, "Well, your mother certainly made enough this year."
Cookie by cookie, we'd slap on frosting with a butter knife and carefully consider whether the Christmas Tree shape should have red garland this time or maybe just nonpareils. That studious contemplation gave way to less heavenly creations and gingerbread men started to look a little punk-rock, Christmas trees took on ghastly shades of pink and purple, and the ultimate I-don't-care was the "everything" cookie where all the sprinkles on the table were scooped up and dumped randomly on top.
When I was a child, cookie decorating took hours. When I reached my later teens and also found friends or significant others who were willing, we had more help at the table. That help became a significant factor in cookies being finished in a more timely fashion which allowed my dad to retreat to the family room sooner to watch the hockey game, and me to escape to go out anywhere that wasn't my house. The addition of a third cookie decorator was so vital that one December, after a recent break-up of a long-term relationship, my dad asked, "Do you think he'll still come and help decorate cookies?" I have the pictures to prove that my former-boyfriend was a good soul who understood.
Neither my dad nor I are even casual artists but once a year we do our best to create a display of colorful, edible delights. At the end, for all our grumbling there was a measure of pride in the work we did and gladness at some time together. To toss out it out there again, maybe this is what Christmas is truly about. I'll take those moments.
I burned the following holiday-themed mix this morning (more after the track listing):
Not All The Usual Christmas Music
Cyndi Lauper, The Hives - A Christmas Duel
Cracker - Turn On Tune In Drop Out With Me
The New Pornographers - Joseph, Who Understood
Hall and Oates - Jingle Bell Rock
Owl City - Fireflies
Vince Guaraldi - Skating
MC Lars - Gary The Green-Nosed Reindeer
Discovery - Orange Shirt
Aimee Mann - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
Lady GaGa - Bad Romance
Whirling Dervishes - You're A Mean One Mr. Grinch
Dirty Little Rabbits - Hello
Jill Sobule - Merry Christmas From The Family
Metric - Help I'm Alive
Darlene Love - Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)
Lady GaGa - Christmas Tree
My relationship with the holidays is rather testy. I wrote about this in my recent editorial in the Word. I opened with "A Christmas Duel" because it moves, it's loud, and it swears. It's about a married couple who can't stand each other but decide to make the most of the Christmas season. Me and Christmas? Well, we don't get along too well so it's the perfect lead in for the mix. The theme carries over to possible-Illuminati member Lady GaGa with her new single, "Bad Romance."
In between, there's a smattering of current popular/alternative songs with some not so usual holiday songs. "Skating" by Vince Guaraldi sticks out for me because it's not "Linus and Lucy." I love that song, but I wanted something else. I think taking a different tactic with the holidays is my way of accepting that it's here. Just like how it's not Rudolph saving Christmas in the MC Lars' slow jam about one of the other reindeer.
I did include some perennial favorites like "Merry Christmas From The Family" by Jill Sobule which goes along with the dysfunctional family that really isn't theme. The Phil Spector produced "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" by Darlene Love is a backwards plea to myself I suppose. I've resisted this season to point of doing nothing, so maybe it's time to resign myself to letting the joy come in if it wants.
Of course, my sense of humor would not let the mix be complete without the almost awful, innuendo filled gem by Lady GaGa. I couldn't leave it off all misty eyed!
One of the traditions that got started around the holidays in our house some years ago was the tradition of not putting up a Christmas tree.
Some of it was fear of what the dogs would do to it. Some was laziness. Some was general frustration with the holidays and not "feeling it."
Today was a rough day. It was a rough day that has followed a long stretch of time where I've been going and going and going. I'm tapped out more emotionally than physically. However, my waistline is telling me that I better stop eating leftovers and concentrate on reaching for the fruits and vegetables.
The most I figured I could hope for tonight was to come home from work, shut myself in my bedroom and just cry. But somewhere in the late afternoon hours, I saw a friend post on Facebook that she was putting up a Christmas tree tonight. Something about it felt right. My schedule had been cleared due to my beloved Zumba class being canceled for the night. I thought, "Well? Maybe?"
I still came home and cast sad looks across the dinner table at Matt as I relayed my frustrations. We ate, took a nap, and I woke up with a plan. The plan is what you see in the picture. I may never get around to putting lights on it or ornaments, but the tree is up in our dining room along with the tree skirt my mom made for us some time ago. I might even consider trying to make a holiday music mix.
An attempt to find some Christmas spirit can't be all bad. We all could use a little more light in our lives.
I have been asked to contribute another editorial for the Chautauqua Region Word's "Say" section. Assuming that the latest issue is available online, my musings on Thanksgiving can be found at crword.com.
I hope all of you who celebrate the holiday have an enjoyable time!
Matt and I hit up Friendly's for lunch today in an attempt to actually spend some time together in the middle of musical crunch week.
On our way out, I had to resist the urge to press my nose against the freezer case as I spied a seasonal tasty treat.
"Ooooh! Peppermint Stick Roll!" I cried out. "We could get that and pour hot fudge all over it! Oh, it would be so good! OH MY GOD! Maybe we should just tell my mom to buy that for my very belated birthday 'cake' instead of making the banana pudding thing. So tasty!"
Matt just shook his head and said, "Um. Sure?" as he laughed at my enthusiasm for frozen treats.
It's crunch week for the musical with Opening Night this Friday. It's worth mentioning that opening night for Jamestown Community College Uncommoner's production of "The Producers" is sold out! Tickets are still available through the JCC Box Office (aka the bookstore) for November 7-8, 13-15th, and 20-21st.
What's the news? Let's break it out headline style:
Swine Flu Hits Home
Matt has been battling something stomach bug-ish that included a fever, achy muscles, and lots of reading time in the bathroom. We don't know if it was the swine flu or just some random bug. On the other hand, our friend's daughter was officially diagnosed on Friday with Swine Flu. I'm playing keep away the best I can.
Halloween Eve Brings Out Some Ghouls
Friday night, some hooligans rifled through both of our unlocked cars in our driveway. I was initially unconcerned because I don't keep anything of value in my car. Unfortunately, Matt had left his book bag in the car overnight and that would be the one item that was stolen. It contained some old computer coding books, our joint checking account check book, and our digital camera. Fortunately, Matt had recently transferred all the pictures off the camera to his computer. Unfortunately, we had to put a freeze on our checking account until we can figure out what checks were taken so we can have those flagged by the bank. At least we can still do bill pay electronically. Live and learn.
Halloween Fun Fest a Success!
I spent most of the past few weeks finalizing plans for the city's annual Halloween Fun Fest. Aside from swine flu, a marching band trip to Syracuse, and other events making my pool of volunteers dwindle so that I was in a near panic right up to the day of the event, everything went great. We had a record crowd at the Allen Park Ice Rink. We know how to improve things for next year. Most of all, it seemed like everyone had fun. The Producers Opens Friday!
As mentioned, this is crunch week. We had a very long tech rehearsal yesterday and are back at it every night this week. It's going to be a fun, but challenging show. There are some pesky transitions to iron out, but that's what the next few nights are for. I'm nervous in the sense that I woke up in the middle of the night mildly panicking about music I don't have under my fingers yet. That should come. I hope! My parents and a Great Aunt will be coming down for the show, which is great because they haven't seen a musical I've played pit for since I was in high school. There are other friends who are coming in from out of town to see it as well. Between that and having friends in the show, it's been a lot of fun. You can't ask for more, right?
