Tuesday, July 03, 2001

There are moments at work where I get these ideas the opposite of dellusional granduer. I call them the insecure granduers. I doubt there's such a thing. I just needed to make up a phrase for convenience sake.

See. This is how it goes. I come into work early to get a leg-up on a list of projects that fell into my lap the day before. I earnestly begin working away. Filing, typing, deciphering etc. Then co-workers begin trickling in at their appointed times. All is still well. I feel I'm making modest progress. Then the main co-worker shows up. Annoyingly picks apart an advisory I've written because he thinks the font needs to be much larger. Contradicts facts I know to be true. Questions some things I've done and then snarls off to his office. To get a feel for him.. he treats everything I say with a large degree of impatience, as if I'm moving too slowly and has no interest in what I have to say.. only what he wants to order me to do. I thought it was just me, but other people in the building have expressed amusement with his ways. So I'm not buggy.

Then my boss comes in. I generally get the feeling I'm on the right track, but sometimes I'm just lost with how I'm really doing. Being new at a job will do that. Naturally, the person before me did an awesome job. He's a friend actually and is back in town to help out with things. I must admit a feeling of being in the way. What questions are stupid? What should I instinctively know? It's a difficult scene to lay out. But all in all I just feel plain insecure about what I'm doing. Like I'm not living up to the dreams and hopes of everyone.

So sorry to lay out my troubles like this. I'd rather write casual, light-hearted pieces like the ones before but, damnit, sometimes you just have to be a miserable bastard *grins*

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