Thursday, July 03, 2003

Anxiety & Energy

We usually say July is a quiet month at work since a lot of people are on vacation, so it's also slow when it comes to media as well. Since the bulk of my job is doing media related stuff, this makes my life easier. However, my job responsibilities have shifted somewhat into a multitude of things including working on performance-based government initiatives and co-chairing committees related to that. I won't explain since it would take a whole other blog to work through the details. We won't get into the new political responsibilities I acquired after being named to the party's city committee and the fact that it's a major election year. I also won't discuss how my next free weekend isn't until the third weekend in August. Fortunately, some of the things taking up my time are most pleasurable like weddings or hanging out at family events. The downside is that I haven't had a lot of "me" time where I can get things done. I noticed this last summer as well. I feel too tired in the morning to even get up early to exercise or get things done. I'm too tired after work to do anything really constructive around the house or in general. And it's not that I'm staying up until the early hours or boozing it up, but a general tiredness. Nothing, aside from dinner, got done last night. I don't know if it's because I have a list a mile long of things I should be working on and I'm letting the stress get to me or what. It seems to be harder and harder to enjoy the seasons. I've had a lot of months just blow past me and I'm wondering where my time has gone. I like what I do, but I don't enjoy how much it takes out of my "at home" time. And the love of my life doesn't have it any easier since he's running the major campaign of this "silly season" and, likewise, doesn't appear to have any energy for anything else besides work lately.

I'd like to think things will wind down after November, but I know with wedding plans that we're far from having any real downtime. And I'm not looking forward to when the real planning for the wedding kicks in because I know I'm going to have to be stubborn about a bunch of stuff with my mom since she has these ideas in her head about what she wants.. not necessarily what I want. Example, she's insisting that only 175 people be invited to our wedding.. I know my pared down list is already at 208, not including several other couples that we can't not invite. I already told my parents that we'd pay for however many people we have over 175, but my mom is being stubborn too. I don't think she quite gets it that it's my wedding at times. I plan on it being my only wedding, so I'm not going to leave off friends or family just because my mom has a set idea for what she wants. I don't even want to think about invitations, dresses, jewelry, showers, DJ's, and whatnot right now. I almost rather just get married and be done with it, but I know it would be a huge let down for the entire family and, hell, I like a good party too. Oh well. Sometimes life sucks. Grab a straw.

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