Wednesday, February 20, 2002

A Note For People Who Have Friends

Yesterday I lost a friend. I didn't lose him through some catastrophic event or some angry fight. I lost him to his girlfriend. Now, understanding that I only know his side of the story, apparently my former friend's girlfriend had a hard time dealing with women in his life. A sign of great insecurity on her part. After a couple of years of this going on and the issue being shoved back in the closet, it came out again when I decided to call my friend to say hello two days ago. The girlfriend was over at the time and much discussion ensued over why I was calling him I guess. That prompted the former-friend to send an email that included this bit:

"It's just not working for me to be trying to create a relationship with (girlfriend's name) and to be having you as a friend... I need
to stop our communication. There's nothing wrong with you or bad about you so please don't get that impression. The person you are has nothing to do with it."

He said he did want to talk on the phone once more. I initially sent an email back saying I'd like to talk. Then I decided to have some self-respect (at the urging of my ever-so-understanding boyfriend) and then sent a second email that said this:

"Dear (former friend's name),

Actually, I change my mind. I understand where you're coming from and I respect your decision. There's no need for us to talk right now, but you can always call or email if things change.


All I can say to all of you that read this is that if you're ever in a relationship that threatens to compromise your friendship with people you've known for years (or even a short time), you have to ask yourself, "Is this worth it? Even if I cut off some of those friendships.. what will be the next thing I'm asked to sacrifice?" I never truly thought any of Morrissey's songs would be relevant at age 25, but I'll include the lyrics to a song I played last night:

Hold on to Your Friends

A bond of trust
Has been abused
Something of value
May be lost
Give up your job
Squander your cash - be rash
Just hold on to your friends

There are more than enough
To fight and oppose
Why waste good time
Fighting the people you like
Who will fall defending your name
Oh, don't feel so ashamed
To have friends

But now you only call me
When you're feeling depressed
When you feel happy I'm
So far from your mind
My patience is stretched
My loyalty vexed
Oh, you're losing all of your friends

Hold on to your friends
Hold on to your friends
Resist - or move on
Be mad, be rash
Smoke and explode
Sell all of your clothes
Just bear in mind :
Oh, there just might come a time
When you need some friends

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