It's been one week since I stopped doing the news.
I'm feeling a little lost.
It's silly in a way.
So what have I been up to?
I gardened last Sunday. I cleaned up some of the house on Monday and had a Memorial Day hot dog dinner with Matt. I watched I Capture The Castle and New Waterford Girl.
Tuesday I finally saw Labyrinth for the first time since it was available on Netflix streaming.
Wednesday I had just one violin student and then I went to watch Matt play floor hockey. We went out with the team after to Applebee's for dinner and some drinks. It was the first time in awhile that I recall having a drink in the middle of the week with dinner, or before 10pm.
Thursday I attended the dress rehearsal for the Infinity group, Collective Groove, that I would be performing with on Friday. After dinner, Matt and I went to see Bridesmaids. I cried on the way home because the movie reminded me of how much I miss one of my friends who moved away.
Friday we ate dinner quick before attending the Infinity Performing & Visual Arts Showcase at the Reg Lenna Civic Center. I had my worst case of nerves in years complete with icy hands and dry throat. We dropped into Forte after for a glass of wine and slice of grand marnier cheesecake before going home.
Saturday we had a funeral in the morning for the father of our friends. He was a good man. After a quick trip to Wegmans, I took my mother in law to a bridal shower for her granddaughter/my niece. Matt had a hockey team party that night, so I sat down in the recliner and read all of The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield.
Today I chatted online with my friend, Candy, who has had a marvelous weekend, before getting ready and meeting my friend, Heather, at Wegmans for coffee and grocery shopping.
There was a lot that went on this week. I did some things I might not have if I knew later on at night I would have to do the news. I felt like I should be a lot more simply because I didn't have that one thing hanging over my head.
I feel like I failed in a way.
Heather said she got some advice not that long ago that makes sense. That she just needs to be rather than worrying about setting goals. I think I just need to be for awhile. I need to figure this out. It's been a long time since I've had this kind of additional time back. It seems so very over dramatic to be going on like this, but the truth is that I just don't feel like myself. I've even had a hard time remembering what I used to do with myself in the days before I did the news. I also know I'm a much different person from then.
Matt says I don't deal well with change. I know I don't. I just don't like to hear it out loud because I tend to advocate pretty loudly if I see something that should be changed for others. Admittedly, even when it's a good change, it's still hard. The good thing is that I still make myself do it. I couldn't grow otherwise.