Saturday, December 07, 2002


Which Closet?

Had a fun night tonight. Matt and I froze while watching the annual Holiday Parade in downtown Jamestown. He really wasn't into it since he felt sick, but indulged me nonetheless. We stood with Troy, Melissa, Irys, and Claire for most of it. Claire had brought these wand-like things with streamers/shiney stuff coming off the ends. She and I waved them around every time a float went by. I think it was more to keep the blood moving than real enthusiasm. Every time I recognized someone, I'd cheer "Hey so-and-so! Yeah!" No one heard me but Claire and we would then giggle. (side note: it's damn late.. I should wait to write more.. ergh)

Anyway. The tree lighting and fireworks went off without a hitch. We then ambled down Third Street in search of food. By this time my feet were so cold that entering warm spaces actually made them sting a little as the blood returned to my extremities. So much for wool socks. After an Alcatraz sandwich (aka glorified peanut butter and jelly sandwich) and hot chocolate, we came home. Matt set himself up on the computer/play station for the night and I took off to see Leah Zicari and the Robin Stone Band at Sneakers.

The concert was great. I really need to make it a habit to get out and see quality live acts more often. Leah actually reminded me a little bit of Dar Williams, but I didn't want to tell her since you never know when you might be comparing one musician to another and the person you're talking to can't stand that other musician. Anyway, I had a nice time talking to Leah. It's one damn small world. I found out she knows my boss from "way back" and we shared some small talk about other people we knew. Good times.

One thing that was a little odd for the evening was the feeling of being in several closets. Since I left Baldwin-Wallace, I've tended to be very quiet about certain bits of my personal life. I get so worried that people will be unwilling to accept me for who I am or wouldn't understand that I just don't say everything. I think we all want people to like us, even if we assume the persona that other people's opinions are not our concern. The problem is that I feel so dishonest about it, and now I feel like if I say what is true that people will be offended that I didn't say anything sooner or will think I'm just doing it to "push my agenda" or attract attention. Gar. C'est la vie. So tonight I was in the closet about having a boyfriend and at the same time about being bi. During the day I was just in the closet about being bi. Bizarre.

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