Sunday, July 07, 2002

Kissing Jessica Stein

Sometimes movies just grab you. And not always in a happy, friendly way. Matt and I made the trek to Chautauqua Institution tonight (late last night maybe seeing as how it's after midnight now) to see Kissing Jessica Stein. I didn't tell Matt what it was about since I had been dying to see this film and I didn't want him to run off saying, "You just want to see girls kiss each other!" The movie was great. Aside from nearly bursting into tears in the middle of it. Some of the underlying themes and general story really nailed right through me. It's hard to describe. Seeing it made me feel like this big hole had just been gouged out of me.. or had been empty for awhile. It's been so long. And it's hard sometimes to reconcile with yourself that you'll never have that experience again since you're pretty much set on marrying the guy you're with because you love him and all that great stuff. And you start to wish that you had more opportunities to experience that and wondered why you spent so much of your "youth" with guys. Well, the past certainly can't be changed and the future... god only knows. The last time I assumed I knew where my life was going, I was thrown a major curveball. So I guess I can't assume anything now. I just hope that in the end I've made the right decision and that I'm happy with who I am, who I'm with, and what I'm doing in my life. I think that's all anyone asks for. Right?

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